I have devoured self growth books in all categories for the last twenty years and my self improvement ego was asking will this book, Becoming Flawesome really teach me something new? It’s about embracing your flaws right? Surely i must know this by now!
And there’s the issue right there and one I believe this book addresses extremely well.
We have more knowledge and information at our fingertips than ever before, but this book is genuinely about helping the reader to embody what it teaches – not just fill you with more information.
Let me start with a story
We have five minutes to catch our train which involves taking my four year old and baby down the lift onto the platform at Richmond Station. We’re running and we’re seconds away from the lift when the lady and her child in the lift close the doors on us despite clearly seeing that we need the lift and that there’s plenty of space.
We press the button and the doors reopen and we walk in. The lady seems annoyed and makes a remark about how they will probably miss their train now.
Inside, I am definitely on my high horse thinking what a rude lady. Once on the platform when she can see we’re also catching the same train, she looks embarrassed and walks right to the other end of the platform.
And then to make matters more embarrassing, we both get off at the same stop. She is clearly now really embarrassed – especially as we have to share the lift again. I’m feeling a bit self righteous and wanting to call this woman out on her behaviour.
A similar version of this story then repeated itself a few weeks later in a different situation only with bigger emotions and reactions.
At this point I had already started Becoming Flawesome and as I sat down to read that evening with my cup of tea, the first thing I read was:
“Your relationship with the world is a reflection of the relationship with yourself”.
I have heard this a lot over the years and different variations of the same message but this really struck a chord with me that evening.
The World is Your Mirror
And so I sat and reflected. If the world is my mirror, what did this experience have to teach me? I really struggled with this. My ego had actually been feeling pretty good about this one. I tend to like most people I come across these days and so I thought I must be really growing as a person.
But, these incidents really triggered me. Surely this didn’t have anything to do with me? These people are just being rude and ungraceful and then extremely immature for running away and not addressing me directly.
I reflected deeply on this. And it’s true. This woman in the lift was my mirror – or at least the parts of the situation that made me most cross. This was a hard pill to swallow. All these moments from my past suddenly came back to me – some from childhood, others more recent, but the idea was the same – they were moments that brought up shame and embarrassment or situations where I wasn’t direct and then felt uncomfortable afterwards.
I spent several days reflecting and writing things down which I then burnt and let go of. This was actually an incredibly transformative experience and my feelings towards these people who had previously triggered me, softened and I can only empathise now.
Starting with awareness
Towards the beginning of Becoming Flawesome, Kristina describes a time when she went to her first personal growth event and following this event, she made ‘awareness’ her priority.
Interestingly I believe this is actually what Becoming Flawesome will help you to get better at and is now one of my key focusses – to be more aware. Aware of who I am as a person, but also how I show up and interact in the world.
I believe Kristina is asking all of us to examine how we show up so we can become the best versions of ourselves. This isn’t a book just about embracing our flaws – it’s a book about coming back to your centre so you can view the world and yourself clearly again and ultimately be happy! Happy as a state rather than a fleeting emotion.
This book got me to focus on awareness and it was specifically the lesson on the world being my mirror that seemed to resonate most for me at this time. However, the nugget of wisdom will likely be different for you, which is the beauty of the book. Should I read this book again in a year or two, the message for me will be different I’m sure.
Embodied wisdom
This is also a book that addresses both mind and body. It is theoretically fascinating and very well written, but it’s one of the first books I’ve read that teach you very clearly how to actually address and release strong uncomfortable emotions that may be stored throughout the body. This is a big interest of mine as I teach yoga and guide meditation.
For anyone who is a fan of Bessel van der kolk’s book The Body Keeps The Score and similar literature on the mind/ body connection, I think you’ll find this an interesting read. While many books in this genre focus a lot on theory, Kristina actually helps you cope with and release strong and sometimes painful emotions, societal masks and imposter syndrome to name just a few of the things.
Final thoughts
Unlike many books and teachers in the personal development/ self improvement genre, Kristina brings a refreshing perspective.
Growing up in a communist country and then spending a large proportion of her adult life in Malaysia, Kristina made me think about individualism versus collectivism. There aren’t many self improvement books that do this. Mostly they focus on what the individual wants. But we aren’t just individuals floating about in isolation – we have relationships, families, we’re part of a community at large… Becoming Flawesome gets you to think about it all.
Kristina’s thinking reminds me of both Carl Rogers who wrote the book on Becoming a Person and Noah Yuval Harari, author of Sapiens. It’s not as if the subject matters are the same, but all three authors feel safe to read.
They’re not trying to fill your brains with more stuff, they just want to help you clear your head, to help you actually think for yourself better. This is actually a really rare quality that few people genunely have, and I think it’s only because Kristina has stepped out of her what familiarity means to her so many times and experienced the world from many perspectives, that she is able to do this.
Finally, Kristina provides actions and reflection points after all chapters but it’s not necessarily about following them in a linear way which was actually a bit of a relief. Instead, it’s suggested that by focusing on one piece of the puzzle, the rest of the jigsaw will fall into place. My one piece was the world being my mirror.
When you read Becoming Flawesome, I’d love to know what your piece is too.
#BecomingFlawesome
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