Earlier today I experienced being let down by a friend who cancelled on me last minute. I’d already scheduled my day to fit around what my original plans were, so my initial reaction was ‘I feel a bit pissed off. I’ve had to say no to other things. I could have booked an earlier train ticket…’
Shortly after, I picked up my yoga theory book to do some more revising for my course. I was up to a section called ‘Adapt, adjust accommodate’. I’ll share the following passage with you. it helped me to readjust my thinking and hopefully will be of some help to you.
“There is a yoga philosophy of ‘adapt, adjust, accommodate’, which offers an alternative to one’s outlook on life. It explains that the ego is the base of many of our pains and suffering, the idea that we are right and others/ everything else is wrong can lead to us wanting the world and the people around us to change to suit our own ideas, wants and needs.
Within the idea of ‘adapt, adjust, accommodate’, we release ourselves from our ego and stop trying to control everything and everyone around us. The moment we just adapt ourselves to a situation that we cannot change we let go of the possible negative outcomes.”
As we all know, you can’t change what happens to you, but you can choose your response. My recent experience of being let down was just a small thing in hindsight that no longer bothers me. Below I’ve written out five solutions for being let down that helped me and can hopefully be applied to a number of situations.
How to deal with being let down — 5 solutions & what not to do
1. Allow yourself to feel what you need to feel
Whatever it is, whoever it is that has let you down, allow yourself to feel angry, upset, annoyed. Brushing the feeling away won’t solve anything. So, for this one, just ride it out. Stop what you’re doing and let yourself feel whatever emotion you’re experiencing — just don’t let it drag on and on for days and definitely don’t go all passive aggressive.
2. Accept that choose your response
I touched on this a bit above. This stage would typically come after allowing yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel. We can’t always control things that happen outside of us, but we can choose our response (perhaps not initially — but certainly with a bit of time). Acceptance here does not necessarily mean you agree that you’ve been let down, it simply means it has happened and there’s nothing you can do other than accept that it has happened.
3. Communicate your thoughts and feelings
If you’re upset by what happened or if you’ve been let down on repeat occasions and you’re starting to gossip behind someone’s back, feel resentment or bitter, it’s time to communicate. This one goes without saying, no matter how big or small. If you have a problem with something, let that person know. In the house where I live, we have a ‘strict no bitching behind people’s backs rule’, so if anyone has a problem with anything, no matter how small, you have to speak up. Not speaking up will only cause you more problems in the long wrong.
Of course, if it’s something minor or a one off, and you’re willing to just let it go, then you might not feel the need to say anything — you be the judge. Just be mindful — are you not speaking up because you fear confrontation, or have you really let the issue go?
4. Accentuate the positive
This is another heading in my yoga book and the passage starts by saying that the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali teach us to “cultivate the opposite of the mind’s disturbance” and “to avoid undue pain by trying to see the positive in what the mind has connected as being negative.”
This section then goes on to say “Often in life, if things do not turn out how we want or how we expect, there can be suffering and turmoil, created by the mind and the way we think; we judge the situation as negative or bad. However, in many instances, there is a lesson and sometimes not getting what we think we want brings something more pleasant.” Fingers crossed.
5. Go with the flow and let it go
“The aim is to let go of what we perceive as being negative; you never know what is around the corner.”
This is similar to acceptance, but in some ways it incorporates all of the above points. For this one, listen to your intuition and do what you need to do — speak up, step back, see opportunities…whatever you decide, don’t let being let down have a detrimental effect on your mood and certainly don’t let it drag on. Life can be hard enough sometimes, without letting other stuff drag you down.
I hope some of these solutions have helped and I hope that whatever disappointment you’re feeling right now won’t last long.
Quoted text taken from The Complete Guide to Yoga for Fitness Professionals by Debbie Lawrence and Conrad Paul
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