Yesterday I went for lunch with some colleagues in Cambridge, and after some initial chit chat about how annoying person X is and how busy it’s been at work – the usual precursor for the more interesting conversation which will hopefully follow – we went on to discuss that I was going to be writing a blog today about the perfect proposal.
While one colleague who’s been with her boyfriend only six months has already been told by her boyfriend that he’s saving up for the ‘perfect proposal’, the other of my lunchtime companions exclaimed ‘I can tell you what to avoid!!!!’
Where do boys get their ideas for what’s going to be the perfect proposal?! Are they all saving up and waiting for the very same opportunities? Or are they being very clever and anticipating what their potential fiancés will actually drool over? And how often are they messing it up? Or, controversially, might it be those of us waiting to be asked who are more prone to mess up the magic?
“How not to propose”
The highlights of the ‘how not to propose’ story covered issues of ‘I was exhausted, hung over, sweaty from Selfridges Sale shopping, and he finally did it in an alley way that smelled of wee!’. I have got to clarify though in proposer #1’s defence that he had planned to take his proposee to a gallery and then a romantic dinner, which in hindsight she says she would have loved.
She was being moody due to the aforementioned hangover so wouldn’t go out ‘for a walk’, so he then tried to take her to see a show, but due to the aforementioned sale shopping said they really couldn’t afford to, and refused outright. You’ve got to admire the man for his persistence, and as I told my friend yesterday, I think she’s lucky she got a proposal at all after her behaviour!
True love conquers all of course, and they now celebrate their proposal anniversary, and last night – being this anniversary – they went to the alley way and had a McDonald’s in remembrance of their proposal night dinner. Although she said this was ‘how not to propose’ – she still said yes and they’re happily married, so maybe the lesson to learn here is that the actual proposal itself doesn’t matter too much, it probably helped his cause though that he had tried to make it special!
Perfect Proposal
Another of my friends knew she was going to be getting engaged at some point during the year. She’d been wary of it coming – her boyfriend is in the army, and although he’d agreed to leave the army, you have to give a year’s notice, which he hadn’t yet given. So they knew they weren’t going to be living together until he’d left, as you’re not allowed to live together unmarried in army quarters, and she didn’t want to get married until she’d lived with him.
The man was smitten though and wouldn’t be put off! We’ll call them proposal #2. He wanted to show her and the world that he was serious, so he wanted to propose. She came around to the idea and realised they don’t HAVE to get married straight away just because they get engaged, and if she really changes her mind once they’ve lived together, she can still make a swift exit at that point.
So, newly OK with the idea of being proposed to, and knowing that he’d been looking at rings, they’d had a weekend away recently where she’d thought he might do it, and was relieved that he hadn’t. Then another weekend away was booked, the destination was to be a secret! Although she didn’t go on about it, you could tell she was suspicious!
They packed their weekend bags and set off, and once at the Eurostar office she realised they were off to Paris for a weekend. It was a truly romantic weekend, they are the epitome of the beautiful and loving couple. They got engaged, everyone was thrilled, and I am just desperate for what I know will be the wedding of the year. Once it’s booked, in a few years’ time…
One thing she said about her perfect proposal however, was that she was on edge all weekend about when it might happen. And when it finally did happen, in the hotel room, she couldn’t barely hear what he said, and had to ask him to repeat it, as she was so panicked and worked up, waiting for it to happen all weekend!
The ‘boy did good’, and any of us would be thrilled to be treated like such a princess. But one note of caution to men; try not to let on that the proposal is imminent, as it’ll take all the joy out of it when there are days/weekends filled with fear and anxiety about what’s going to happen!
The same happened to another friend recently, she’d known about the ring for almost two years so expected it almost constantly for the duration! When it finally happened recently, she didn’t panic as much as proposee #2, but some of the element of surprise was removed. Try to encourage men to keep their secrets by not prying and telling them that you don’t want to know about it!
Something I’ve rarely confessed to anyone …
Non-proposal
Something I’ve rarely confessed to anyone (and am now submitting to the internet…), is that I’ve become someone who’s expecting a proposal at any special occasion! Since we moved in together last February, taking the next step and feeling all of a sudden more committed, sharing finances, making long term future plans, and even discussing children’s names, the conversation quickly turned to marriage, and whether we’d marry in his home country (South Africa), or here in the UK.
We’ve made plans, we’ve thought about eloping to Vegas to save money, he’s told each of our families to save some annual leave for the big event, and he’s getting eager to start a family. Yet, 12 months on, a handful of mini breaks down, as well as the more obvious occasions like Christmas and birthdays, there’s no ring on my finger, and no engagement.
Now, I’m by no means desperate to be engaged; I don’t mind that I’m not and it doesn’t make me sad – we’re very happy generally. Also, we only moved in together a year ago so it’s not like its overdue or anything! But he’s told me when drunk that he’s got a ring, there’s been so much talk about marrying in the summer (although which hemisphere’s summer we don’t know…), so I have turned a little bit in to someone who’s started to wonder whether ‘this weekend away will be the one!’
But it’s not the sort of thing you can voice aloud, nor ask him about, in case it IS. And then, after the fact (for instance after a recent short stay on our own to a delicious Devon apartment, when I had made sure I had ‘engagement announcement clothes’ packed and always had my makeup on (!), nothing happened…), you can’t exactly tell him that you’d been anticipating the most romantic proposal simply based on the fact that we had booked a weekend away! You might put the fear of God in him and ruin any future plans!
Another friend of mine did exactly this, she was in tears on her birthday morning. All the signs had been there that her boyfriend was going to propose, so when in the little baggy that he’d placed on the bed there were theatre tickets instead of a ring, her whole birthday was ruined. To make up with her and cheer her up he had to tell her he HAD been planning a proposal, but that it was to be in New York when they went on holiday that year. But, now the plan was ruined….
The moral of this story is, try try try and try some more not to expect a proposal! However many hints they’ve dropped, however overdue it might be, even if you’ve found a ring, it might still take 2 years for the proposal to manifest, so don’t ruin your relationship by being overly expectant. Let the man be in control (even if only in this one area of your life), and try to be surprised genuinely as it will make the moment all the more magical!
Written by Hannah Murray
Bio: Hannah is a keen advocate for trying to take time out to relax, revive, and spend time with loved ones. Whilst she is still not engaged, she’s been led to believe by her other half that it won’t be long. Perhaps winning the CityStay Valentine’s Day competition will give a suitable setting for such a proposal! Although mental reminder: don’t dwell on the idea too much and ruin the time together with anxiety or disappointment!
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Do you have an unusual, heartwarming or inspiring proposal story you’d like to share? Is there a right or wrong way to propose? Share your thoughts below.
