Yoga nidra, Dyad meditation, and the magic of pairing opposite emotions

Yin Yang, non dualistic and being ‘at one’ are terms familiar they feel like cliches. They’re thrown around all the time in the yoga world and in the books I read, but it wasn’t until a few days ago that I was able to get a first hand, embodied experience of what Yin Yang and non dualism actually mean.

My level 1 iRest Yoga Nidra training

I have had feelings of oneness and absorption in meditation, and when I teach yoga, I will often emphasise the practise of equanimity — meeting sensations, thoughts, emotions…without judgement as they arise. However, it was my first iRest yoga nidra training that allowed me to experience what happens when we observe opposite emotions. This happened in something called a Dyad meditation.

Intellectually, I love the idea of nothing being purely positive or negative, good or bad etc. And over the years, I’ve actually come to really dislike this whole happiness chasing culture many of us are striving to maintain or somehow reach unattainably.

‘Negative’ emotions

However, I’ve never managed to fully embrace so called ‘negative’ emotions. I’ve learnt to allow myself to feel whatever arises without judging myself (too much) and to accept that I’m human and it’s natural for me to feel the full spectrum of human emotions. But, that’s as far as I’ve ever got. I would, for example, feel the emotion of jealousy, accept that I feel that way, and trust that it won’t be at the forefront of my mind all the time, which makes it easier to digest.  

So, underlying this was a kind of desire for it to go away, sort of like a visitor who knocks on your door unexpectedly and out of politeness you let them in, maybe offer them a tea and then sit there being polite hoping that they’ll leave really soon.

While I’ve been practising Yoga Nidra for a while, I’m very new to Dyad meditation which forms a part of iRest Yoga Nidra, and it was during the one-to-one Dyad meditations that I started to get these mini revelations. With this in mind, I may not be the best person right now to explain succinctly what a Dyad meditation is, but I want to share my first few experiences with you. If you want to know more, I suggest you check out the iRest website, which is full of really useful information.

Pairing opposite emotions in a Dyad meditation

I’m not going to delve right into the depths of my experiences which weren’t always pleasant, but I will talk about my first experience of feeling two opposite emotions paired together.

During one of the mornings of my training, I was feeling really tired as I’d been to bed late the night before (my own fault! Not because I was having trouble sleeping). So, I arrived feeling guilty that I hadn’t arrived as fresh faced and alert as I could have been. As a result, I expected to have an unpleasant experience.

Instead, when I was asked by my Dyad partner to notice if there was a particular ‘thought, belief, self judgement or memory’ present I drew blank for a while which is unusual for me. When it came down to it, I felt this lovely passive calmness — as if I was giving myself a break. All I felt was this peaceful feeling which reminded me of a time as a child when I was about to drift off to sleep in bed next to the radiator with a blanket around me, feeling really safe and comforted.

This was the first Dyad meditation where we were asked to pair opposites together. In previous days I’d felt other emotions such as frustration and anxiety which I’d have been more than happy to pair with the opposite emotion. However, I was feeling pretty calm and in a good place and was wondering what the point was in trying to conjure up the opposite emotion, thinking why try and make myself feel bad when I’m already in a good place.

Despite this, I went with it feeling this tense, constricted emotion of always trying to do things and push things, feeling slightly anxious etc. Tuning into this alone was not nice. However, I was then asked if it felt right to do so, to feel one opposite emotion and then the other. After this, I was invited to feel both opposites at the same time and describe the experience. This was the ultimate breakthrough surprise moment for me.

The two emotions paired instantly as if they were supposed to coincide, and physiologically, I felt this huge rush of energy going through me — which was very apparent because I’d been feeling so tired, and within seconds, suddenly felt incredibly awake and alert. My whole body woke up to an almost indescribable feeling of greater peace, but aliveness as well — totally different to that first sensation of almost passive sleepy calmness. I had no idea this would have been the result, especially as I had such resistance to begin with.

What I essentially did was add a so called ‘negative’ emotion — the opposite to the ‘positive’ emotion I’d first experienced — and ended up feeling so much better than I could ever have imagined. For the first time ever, I felt grateful for the so called ‘negative’ emotion and realised that I will never be that outwardly polite host ever again wishing the uninvited visitor to leave, because I’m probably missing out on something massive if I do — at least this is an intention!

Final thoughts

It’s just the start, but I can’t describe how liberating this is. We live in this culture that wants us to only ever feel ‘positive’ emotions and having this experience made me see how sad that is. It’s a bit like aubergine (sorry if you hate aubergine). Alone and uncooked it’s kind of bitter, but paired with the right ingredients and cooked well, it’s like the bread of the vegetable world and has the potential of being the ultimate star of a dish.

So, to conclude all of this, I’m partly apologising to all my uninvited guests of emotion (who were really just helpful messengers) — I’m now openly embracing you — at least I will this as an intention. It’s just the start, but I’m looking forward to delving deeper into this, and hopefully facilitating this for others too, as it could be potentially life changing.

And on that note, I’ll leave you with the Rumi poem The Guest House which was read to us during the the iRest yoga nidra training.

The Guest House by Rumi

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honourably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

And finally, if you’re interested in experiencing a Dyad meditation wither in person in London or over Skype, please get in touch. Feel free to email clare@thoughtbrick.com to find out more.